Why is it so hard learning how to unlearn?

Learning is a good thing, right? 

We’ve all done it and ideally are still doing it every day. But how strategic are you about what you need to learn and from whom? And what about the things you need to unlearn?

When you think about it, we spend most of our formative years learning things other people tell us we need to know. Our parents, guardians, teachers, coaches, mentors and many others guide us through early development, school and then, for some, college or university. That’s at least 20 years of academic learning (and, of course, life learning, which requires a whole different conversation), during which we do make some decisions but generally we follow a set plan and, more often than not, are guided in how we should think about things.

Only last week, in a deep-reflection workshop with my inner circle, I revealed a breakthrough moment in my life – the moment I recognised I had finally turned into my own person, rather than someone shaped by my parents and other ‘teachers’. That moment came in my early 30s. Does that make me a latecomer to true adulthood?

The downside of that wake-up moment, when you realise you have become your own person and have your own thoughts (and this comes at different times for different people), is the can of worms that is opened by the parallel realisation you need to make your own decisions about what you are going to do with your life and what it all means.

This is where you are faced with decisions about what you need/want to learn and also what you need to let go of – or unlearn.

This is important because busy lives call for a strategic approach to learning. The World Economic Forum is just one of the authorities prescribing how much learning is good for us – in this case 101 days a year of formal learning. While that is a great concept, who has time for that?

Let it go

Deciding what you need to let go of, or to stop doing, to make room for new information, new work and new lifestyle choices is not easy.

One practical approach is to conduct at ‘time and motion’ study of how you fill your days, weeks, months, quarters or years. You might be surprised to realise, for instance, that 25 per cent of your action-packed day could be stopped or done differently.

This study will help you prioritise what is important in each sector of time. In my case, I’m finding I need to set myself specific tasks to complete each day. With a large to-do list, I have to give myself sufficient clarity to know where to focus. It’s almost like I have to play a game with myself – to catch myself out when I am trying to avoid the tasks I may consider boring or less important in order to achieve my weekly outcomes.

This may also require letting go of things you thought you already knew.

You can learn to unlearn things by taking note of the cues life has a habit of giving you. A week ago, I was stopped in my tracks when I injured my lower back while lifting a box of books. It reminded me that my body is very important to everyday life and needs to be cared for. Having been to my physio and pilates instructor, I now realise I may have to unlearn everything I have learnt over the past 25 to 30 years about engaging my core and using the correct muscle groups to exercise properly.

This realisation has forced me to slow down, reflect and to make new choices about how to perform simple tasks such as getting out of bed and sitting properly in a chair.

These are like early footsteps for a toddler again. But I am excited and confident that, with time and practice, I could even get back to running again – the right way.

Unlearning everything I knew about movement is not going to be easy. In fact, I’ve decided unlearning something we are programmed to do is harder than learning something totally new. But it’s worth the effort.